When I had my eating disorder I didn’t starve myself because I wanted to be skinnier, I did it because I wanted to rot. I literally wanted the core of my body to rot inside me..so that I could. Why? Cause I thought I deserved it.
One thing I’ve learned is it’s better to be addicted to things than people. You get hooked on a thing and if someone takes it from you, you can find another source. Only people can really hurt you. Only people can push you out into the cold permanently.